How to love your child
We loved him all through the pregnancy. We waited, we chose a name, we rejoiced at the first steps and the first sounds. And then we noticed: something is not going right. And instead of joy, the house filled with anxiety, tiredness, arguments and a quiet sense of guilt that nobody says out loud.
This page is not about methods and not about diagnoses. It is about what happens to the parents. About feelings that are hard to admit even to yourself. And about why how far the child gets depends directly on them.
The first thing that comes is resentment
Almost every parent has it. It just speaks in different voices — usually one of three.
| Who the resentment is aimed at | How it sounds inside |
|---|
| At fate | "Why me? Why my child? What did I do to deserve this?" |
| At the child | "Why don't you understand simple things? Your father and I are clever — how can you be like this?" |
| At yourself | "Why couldn't I give birth to a healthy child? What is wrong with me? Everyone else's children are fine, only I failed." |
Thoughts like these do not make you a bad mother. Almost everyone goes through them — including the parents who go on to achieve wonderful results. Something else is the problem: while we stand in the resentment, all our energy goes into it. Resentment does not start speech, does not build a course of sessions, does not help choose a program. It only takes away the strength the child needs.
How to think so that things work out
Accept
This is my beloved child. I will love him even if he turns out striped or checked. I love him when things do not work out for him too — they may work out later, or never; it does not matter. Even when his learning and care take an enormous amount of strength.
Because he is a gift. In Ukraine a million married couples cannot have children. I could; I have a child — and I am grateful for that.
See a trial, not a sentence
"Why? Why is he like this?" — that question comes to everyone.
Each of us has our own trials in life; sadly, nobody gets through it with no grief at all. This child is our trial in life. Going through it properly, without blame and without depression, we gain far more somewhere else: happy relationships in the family, income, other very able children — whatever it may be. And in my experience it comes not in a hundred years but quite soon.
Do everything a human being can
And what if I am afraid that nothing will work out for us? What if I worry terribly about his future?
Then you have to do everything a human being can — everything possible in our situation, with the resources we have here and now. And leave the rest to God. You can always say to Him: I have done everything for my child, now You help me. And the Lord will help.
From the author. Perhaps you think it is easy for me to say and that none of this happened to me. It did. There was the death of a child, a tumour with operations and hospitals for my eldest, intensive care with blood transfusions for the youngest — all of it happened. That is why I write these lines: in the hope of a calm and right attitude to a child's illness.
Vlada Tarasenko
Three words worth remembering
Love. Accept. Work.
In that order. Love and acceptance are not a reward for a result but the condition under which a result is possible at all. A child reads very accurately how they are seen at home: as a burden or as one of the family. Whether they will try to speak, get it wrong and try again depends on that.
If you have read this far
Then you are already doing the main thing — looking for a way to help. Next you need a specific plan: what exactly is impaired in your child and where to start. That is what the first consultation is for.
Contacts and booking How the therapy works
See also
Written by Vlada Tarasenko, speech pathologist and founder of the Speech Restoration Centers. This material is for information only and does not replace an in-person consultation with a doctor or a speech pathologist.
